I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
