I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
