you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
