Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
