Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
