dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
