I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
