.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize