I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
