so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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