I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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