Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
