I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Houston, we have a squirter
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
