Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
