My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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