Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
