So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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