Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
