It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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