I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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