Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
