I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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