ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
