I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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