but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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