I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This baby is an asshole
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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