Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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