she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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