i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
