Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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