I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
