Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
