My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
