Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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