I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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