i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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