Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
