so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
