it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
