It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
