I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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