tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
