I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
