We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
