Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
