He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
