So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
