Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
