I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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