ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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