Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
