i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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