i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
