Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
bring money and cleavage
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
