____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
