Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
