Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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