your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
