she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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