Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
