Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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