I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
