Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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