It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
