Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
