Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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